Because I’m Happy
It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
I could probably use that line as a disclaimer for pretty much anything I write, but those words are the lead into the song “Happy” from Pharrell Williams.
It’s funny how life drops little things in front of you exactly when you need it. The other day I was driving and thinking about what I wanted to write for today and I decided that it would be about being happy.
As soon as I decided that and began thinking about what I would write, the next song to pop up on my playlist was this one and I was like, “Boom! This is it.”
In my mind, there are two kinds of happy. There’s the long term, “being happy” and then there are the moments when we’re happy. For far too long I’ve had the happy moments and not the long term happiness and I’m sick of not having that in my life.
Let me be clear that there is a big difference in my mind between being “happy” and “not being sad.” To be perfectly honest, I’ve been living with “not sad” for the majority of my life and I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy for an extended period of time.
And that’s sad. No pun intended, though I generally always intend my puns.
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Right now I’m clapping like crazy in my head. I can’t clap with my hands because then how would I type?
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Does anyone else hear the crickets? It’s so quiet from the lack of clapping you could hear the proverbial pin drop.
“But J.R.,” you say. “How can you not know what makes you happy?”
I have an idea of some things that make me happy, but as I mentioned earlier, it’s been so long since I’ve been truly happy that I’m not sure I remember what it feels like or what gets me there. I’m definitely not sure what would make me truly happy for a long period of time, such as, say, the rest of my life. How cool would that be?
Clap along if you know that’s what you wanna do
OK, so this time I stopped typing and actually clapped my hands for a minute. I know it freaked out my autism service dog, Tye, because he came in from the other room, sat down and looked at me like I’m an idiot. So, I went back to clapping in my head and typing.
There’s no doubt that this, being happy for the long-term, is what I want to do. It’s what I need to do. Without long term happiness life sucks. Hard.
I don’t know how I lost my happiness and I have no clue how to find it. I need to find it ASAP as I’m beyond sick of living a life of being sad for long periods of time and then moving into periods of not being sad. Remember that we already determined that not being sad is different than being happy.
Here come bad news, talking this and that Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold back
This is where it comes home for me. Along with being on the autism spectrum I also deal with a lot of depression and anxiety. So when I get bad news it can throw me into a funk or a tailspin that can be hard to come out of.
It’s not that I want to be this way., it’s just how it is for now and I’m doing everything I can to find life hacks and ways around this. The less I’m down, the more I’m up, and up =happy for me.
I need to find a way to take that bad news, process it and move on. Easier said than done.
I’m going to make it my goal to spend some time this weekend between a speaking engagement and covering a comic book convention to sit down and really think about what it is that made me truly happy in the past, what would make me happy now and what is the most logical way to get from point A to point B.
If you’re truly a happy person, what’s your trick? Those of us who aren’t, desperately want to know. If you deal with the same unhappiness that I deal with, what do you do about it?
Share with us and let’s get a dialogue going!