After my post yesterday about Stephen Hawking and calling him the poster boy for Suck It Up, Buttercup, I feel like an idiot for being up at 1:25 am writing this. But I am. Because I’m an Aspie (someone with Asperger’s) and I can’t always control my brain, it’s running at top speed worrying and thinking about things that in the grand scheme of life are nothing, but inside they worry me like you can’t believe.
What’s going through my head at this moment? Two things, really. Neither of which I can do anything about at this moment, but still, I lie awake and worry, because I’m an Aspie and that’s what we do. It’s not what we want to do, but it’s what we do.
The first thing is laughably stupid. For over a year I’ve been harassed by a sales guy ay Yelp. I keep telling him not to call, but he does. Repeatedly and often. So far I’ve blocked eight numbers from Yelp that he calls from, but still, he calls. If I don’t answer, he just calls more often. Last week I was having coffee with a friend when he called yet again. I told him I wasn’t interested and to stop calling me. Not twenty seconds later, my phone rang and it was him again.
“I don’t think you understand our latest program…” was all I heard before hanging up and blocking number nine from the 415 area code. I tried contacting the company by phone, but no one, not even the operator, answers the phone. Everyone has voice mail. So I went to them via Facebook and Twitter and to my amazement, I was completely blown off and was told that I would not get a call back from anyone in regards to this because only their sales team has phones and they do business by DM and email only.
Again, this is something so stupid that it shouldn’t be bothering me, but being blown off and feeling like no one cares bugs me. Why? Because I’m an Aspie and that’s what our brains do. It takes little things and won’t let us get rid of them, even though we want to in the worst way.
The second thing involves a doctors appointment later today. Six weeks ago I had pretty major shoulder surgery and I have an appointment with the surgeon’s nurse practitioner. “Where’s the problem?” You ask. Well, she’s afraid of dogs and had a rough time entering the room when I saw her before the surgery, but Tye, my autism service dog, was great and just chilled on the floor next to me and when the NP left the room she was comfortable with him and complimented him on his behavior.
Earlier this week, I received a phone call from someone at the doctor’s office, who refused to give her name, telling me not to bring Tye because the nurse practitioner doesn’t like dogs. I politely reminded her that the NP had been in the room with Tye before and had no problems and again I was asked not to bring him.
I then reminded this person that the Americans with Disabilities Act doesn’t contain a clause for nurse practitioners that are afraid of dogs. The woman sighed and said, “OK then, do what you want.” To me it sounded threatening, but what do I know? Remember, I’m an Aspie and taking cues from people isn’t always our strong suit.
My fear is that I’m going to show up with Tye and they’re going to start some sort of drama that will end up biting them in the butt in a big way. No, not Tye. He doesn’t bite. I mean fines and the junk that goes with not allowing a service dog into your business.
Not allowing a service dog into your business isn’t exactly what you would call legal and my brain is racing as I think of every possible scenario that probably won’t, but might, happen. How I should or will react to that situation, isn’t going to change what happens when I walk through those doors shortly before 9:20 am. But I worry about it because that’s how the Aspie brain works and though I hate it in ways most people can’t understand, that’s just the way it is for me right now.
There are ways we can slow down our brains and help us sleep, but right now those ways aren’t working for me and I’m not quite sure why. So instead of staying in bed getting frustrated, I decided to come to the computer to regale you with this tale of not sleeping because I’m worrying about stuff I can’t fix or change.
The point of this isn’t the obnoxious, arrogant culture at Yelp or the rudeness of the woman at my doctor’s office. It’s that our brains function in ways that we don’t always like, but I need to take a moment and remember what I wrote less than twenty-four hours ago about Stephen Hawking and tell my Aspie brain to suck it up, buttercup and let me get some sleep.
I doubt that simply remembering those words will work, but I’m going to cross my fingers, put on some meditation music and give sleep another shot.