We’re men. We conquer things. Or at least we try to.
This post was inspired by the song, According To You, by Orianthi, named one of the World’s Best Female Guitarists by Elle magazine. She was born in 19585, the year after I graduated high school. That makes me feel old!
The song talks about two choices she has to make about the direction in her love life and reminded me that I too have choices as to which way my life, overall, goes. In her situation its, “According to you” and “According to him”. In the lyrics, she looks at all the factors involved in deciding which path her life should take and that made me think of the decisions we make regarding the paths we choose in our lives.
Autism and its two every present antagonist’s Depression and Anxiety have controlled my life to the point where I sat for an hour last night contemplating whether or not I TRULY remember how to have fun in my life. My final decision was, “No. I don’t.” Something I find very sad. I need to conquer that and learn how to have fun.
My life is full of choices. I can choose which path to go down, though living with autism, those decisions can be pretty scary at times. We have to think about our fears, our particular triggers, and symptoms of autism.
You can put a hundred high functioning autistics and come up with seventy-five different set of traits. Now there will be a group of common ones shared by a majority of us on the spectrum, but we’re all unique individuals with our own set of stuff to deal with and try to conquer.
As we walk down the path of life we eventually come to a fork in the road. When we hit that fork comes at different life stages for each of us and for some, we run into forked paths more than once.
I go through depressive periods often. I personally call them, getting into funks. Sometimes they’re not so bad and other times they’re downright scary. While in these funks I’m generally standing at a fork in the path and I have a decision to make.
Do I take the path that keeps me on the same ol, same ‘ol or do I choose the path that I know is better, but that I’m afraid to go down because it’s something I’m not used to? I want to conquer that fear, but many times I don’t. I find that to be sad,
One thing a lot of people don’t know about those of us on the spectrum is that we need/crave routine and we don’t like change. For some of us, that need for routine is rock solid. We HAVE to do certain things at certain times and in a certain order or our lives fall apart. Thank God I’m not that type of autistic.
My need for routine is more like, I put things on my calendar, plan out what I have to do and when things in life pop up that change that schedule, I get panicky. How bad depends on how severe the change is.
My daughter, who just turned twenty-one today moved in with me six weeks ago in order to transfer schools and work. After living alone for three years, I knew it would be a big change in my routine and that it would affect me in an autistic way, but I was willing to conquer my fears because she’s my daughter and I’m willing to put up with all the scariness and panic because I love her.
But back to the paths.
One path is the good path. It may be a little harder to navigate and there may be some potholes along the way, but this path ultimately brings happiness and makes your life better.
The second path is filled with the same crud we’ve dealt with our whole lives. Littered across this path are the ones of the people it’s chewed up and every once in a while there is a sign reminding us of who we are. What’s on that sign? Look directly below.
“But according to me, you’re stupid, you’re useless and can’t do anything right”
Most of us end up on the second path. Why? Even though we know it’s not going to be fun, it’s what we’re used to and admit it, change is scary. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve started down the first path, only to get freaked out and turn around, run back to the fork and jump back on the other path.
I’ve had several issues in my life lately that either are or seem pretty severe, yet here I stand at the crossroads. I’ve made a conscious decision to work my butt off to put the fear and anxiety of the unknown treasures of the good path out of my head and take that road. Why haven’t I started down that path yet? Because it feels like my feet are dipped in cement and I can’t move.
Now that the decision is made, once I start moving, I need to keep following that path until the day I die. I have to because in my 52 years on earth I’ve learned that for me, the same ‘ol, same ‘ol simply sucks, sucks. And that’s something I’m tired of.
What about you? What path are you on? If you’re on the first path and have learned how to navigate it, do us all a favor and drop some knowledge on us in the comment section. I know a lot of people, including myself, who could really use it.
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An Asperger’s Guide To Dating Neurotypicals is out and hit #23 on the Amazon Hot New Dating Releases Chart. You can find it on Amazon and Kindle or get an autographed copy for the same price at the J.R. Reed Author website.
Before I go, I belong to a closed Facebook group, Aspergers Life Support, run by some terrific people. There’s a link on the right or you can click on the words in purple. If you have Aspergers or are a loving NT of an Aspie, I definitely suggest asking to join the group. They’re great people and have helped me on many occasions.
Lyrics by Steven Diamond & Andrew Frampton
Pictures courtesy Pixabay & Flick’r Creative Commons