To be clear, this is not the new woman. I think this is Winnie from The Wonder Years who grew up to be a cute math nerd. Or maybe it’s someone else.
Yes, you read the title corrective. J.R. has a
possible probable new woman in his life. When last we spoke about the topic of dating on this blog, I had sworn it off, written a book about cross spectrum dating, had it published and it’s now available on Amazon and Kindle. Yes, that was a shameless plug, but at least it’s out of the way.
The last relationship I had wasn’t amazing and my subsequent online encounters were horrible at best. I’m fifty-two and I had women in their sixties and even early seventies sending me messages. Sorry, but at my age, I’m not looking for a cougar. The last time I was online. two women flat out said that they could never date a guy with a service dog. That really bummed me out and I swore off online dating forever.
Fast-forward a few months and, “forever,” is apparently over because I decided to give it one more shot. The first two days were filled with wonder at women who try way too hard to make themselves look sexy, women who make me wonder what, “average,” really is in this country and women with profiles that make you want to run.
I’m pretty picky about who I send messages to. I actually read the woman’s profile–a foreign concept to many–and when I send a message I reference things in that profile so they know I did more than look at pictures and send a message. The third night I messaged a woman I’ll call Jo. It’s not her real name. but it’s not a bad one. I can think of a lot worse fake names for a new woman in my life.
In three nights I found one woman that I was interested in sending a message to and I decided that was it. If she didn’t message me back, it was all good and I would go back to the dating underground for the foreseeable future.
But something amazing happened. This woman, who I found both attractive and intriguing based on her profile, messaged me back within a few hours. We messaged for a while and then eventually moved to text for a day and then to talking on the phone.
After a couple days of conversations with no lulls or weird moments and after having made a date for Sunday, I decided this girl was what I was looking for and I could see us getting along. It was then that I started thinking about when I should tell her that I have Asperger’s.
In case you wonder why I need to tell her about my Asperger’s before our first date, the fact that I have a service dog makes it kind of necessary to drop that bomb early on. A black lab in a service vest is hard to hide on a date…
The sparking conversation that I was offering up was certainly helping, as was my occasional wit and partial charm, so I felt very relaxed in telling the new woman that I’m up on the spectrum. I thought it would go well, but it was even better than I imagined.
Jo has personality, which I love, and I’ve gotten the eye roll emoji more than several times after texting things. I don’t mind the eye roll when it’s done in fun, which is how I’m pretty sure she means it. As I said, she has a personality which keeps the conversations fun and both of us laughing. Also, I’m sure I’ve gotten the eye roll many times on the phone, I just can’t see it.
It’s amazing how connecting, or at least feeling the beginning of a connection, with someone can make you feel great. Not that I was feeling bad before, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone you’re interested in who is interested in you as well. Though we’ve “known” each other less than a week, it was cool to have her encourage me and wish me luck as I went to my book signing the other night and to actually like me for who I am.
I’m not one of those people who sugar coats things and tries to make myself look better than I am so that I can woo a woman my direction. I’m simply myself and if she likes me, then wooing may take place at some point. Why would I pretend to be someone I’m not so that she likes me, knowing I can’t keep that charade up forever?
All that does is waste people’s time and both people end up getting hurt and I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s not how I roll.
So the bottom line is this, now I get a fresh start at creating a great relationship with a new woman and I get new (potentially) very happy chapters for one of the books I’m writing, Asperger’s Is My Superpower.
What will happen Sunday and beyond? I don’t know. To quote singer Natasha Bedingfield, “The pen’s in my hand. Ending unplanned.” I’m taking this ride on faith, some good intuition and am going to have fun seeing where it takes me. Or, I guess, takes us. I’m making no assumptions, not looking too far ahead and should things look like they’re starting to work out, letting communication be what pulls us closer together.
When you find a new woman who is attractive, terrific and nerdy all at the same time, that’s a woman you want to keep around and see if you two can build a solid relationship based on friendship, honesty, and trust.
Will we click and build something together? Who knows. Stay tuned and you’ll find out. Better yet, enter your email in the upper right-hand corner where it says, “Get new posts by email” and you’ll be one of the first to get the fresh dirt on all this.
Before I go, I belong to a closed Facebook group, Aspergers Life Support, run by some terrific people. There’s a link on the right or you can click on the words in purple. If you have Aspergers or are a loving NT of an Aspie, I definitely suggest asking to join the group. They’re great people and have helped me on many occasions.